The Dirtbag Astrologer – A Hilariously Savage Guide to the Zodiac
Brutally honest. Relentlessly funny. Painfully accurate.
If you're tired of flowery horoscopes and want an astrology book that tells it like it is—with zero fluff and maximum roast—then The Dirtbag Astrologer by Alberto Toribio is your new cosmic obsession.
This no-holds-barred guide to the zodiac drags every sign with love (and trauma), breaking down Sun, Moon, and Rising signs, Houses, Transits, and why your ex really was the problem—all with savage wit and pitch-perfect observations.
🔹 What’s Inside?
✔ Brutal Zodiac Sign Breakdowns – From Cancer the Simp to Aggro Aries, no sign is safe
✔ Why Your Ex Was Trash (According to Astrology) – Let the stars explain their mess
✔ Moon & Rising Signs with Zero BS – Understand your emotional damage and chaotic mask
✔ Cosmic Chaos, Transits & Houses – Learn how the universe may (or may not) be ruining your life
✔ Use Astrology to Improve—or Destroy—Your Life – Knowledge is power, but you still have free will
📏 Book Details:
-
Format: Hardcover with Printed Laminated Cover
-
Size: 5 x 7 inches
-
Pages: 192
-
Tone: Savage humor, real astrology, and existential side-eye
🎁 Perfect Gift For:
✔ Astrology Lovers with a Dark Sense of Humor
✔ Jaded Exes & Self-Aware Zodiac Trash
✔ Skeptics Who Secretly Believe in Mercury Retrograde
✔ Millennials, Gen Z, and Cosmic Memelords
✔ Anyone who’s ever said “I’m toxic, but at least I’m self-aware”
⚠ Disclaimer:
This book is intended for entertainment and lighthearted self-exploration. It is not a substitute for therapy, life advice, or medical guidance. It may contain strong language and astrological roasts. Sensitive zodiac signs beware (especially Pisces).
Brutally honest. Relentlessly funny. Painfully accurate.
If you're tired of flowery horoscopes and want an astrology book that tells it like it is—with zero fluff and maximum roast—then The Dirtbag Astrologer by Alberto Toribio is your new cosmic obsession.
This no-holds-barred guide to the zodiac drags every sign with love (and trauma), breaking down Sun, Moon, and Rising signs, Houses, Transits, and why your ex really was the problem—all with savage wit and pitch-perfect observations.
🔹 What’s Inside?
✔ Brutal Zodiac Sign Breakdowns – From Cancer the Simp to Aggro Aries, no sign is safe
✔ Why Your Ex Was Trash (According to Astrology) – Let the stars explain their mess
✔ Moon & Rising Signs with Zero BS – Understand your emotional damage and chaotic mask
✔ Cosmic Chaos, Transits & Houses – Learn how the universe may (or may not) be ruining your life
✔ Use Astrology to Improve—or Destroy—Your Life – Knowledge is power, but you still have free will
📏 Book Details:
-
Format: Hardcover with Printed Laminated Cover
-
Size: 5 x 7 inches
-
Pages: 192
-
Tone: Savage humor, real astrology, and existential side-eye
🎁 Perfect Gift For:
✔ Astrology Lovers with a Dark Sense of Humor
✔ Jaded Exes & Self-Aware Zodiac Trash
✔ Skeptics Who Secretly Believe in Mercury Retrograde
✔ Millennials, Gen Z, and Cosmic Memelords
✔ Anyone who’s ever said “I’m toxic, but at least I’m self-aware”
⚠ Disclaimer:
This book is intended for entertainment and lighthearted self-exploration. It is not a substitute for therapy, life advice, or medical guidance. It may contain strong language and astrological roasts. Sensitive zodiac signs beware (especially Pisces).
Brutally honest. Relentlessly funny. Painfully accurate.
If you're tired of flowery horoscopes and want an astrology book that tells it like it is—with zero fluff and maximum roast—then The Dirtbag Astrologer by Alberto Toribio is your new cosmic obsession.
This no-holds-barred guide to the zodiac drags every sign with love (and trauma), breaking down Sun, Moon, and Rising signs, Houses, Transits, and why your ex really was the problem—all with savage wit and pitch-perfect observations.
🔹 What’s Inside?
✔ Brutal Zodiac Sign Breakdowns – From Cancer the Simp to Aggro Aries, no sign is safe
✔ Why Your Ex Was Trash (According to Astrology) – Let the stars explain their mess
✔ Moon & Rising Signs with Zero BS – Understand your emotional damage and chaotic mask
✔ Cosmic Chaos, Transits & Houses – Learn how the universe may (or may not) be ruining your life
✔ Use Astrology to Improve—or Destroy—Your Life – Knowledge is power, but you still have free will
📏 Book Details:
-
Format: Hardcover with Printed Laminated Cover
-
Size: 5 x 7 inches
-
Pages: 192
-
Tone: Savage humor, real astrology, and existential side-eye
🎁 Perfect Gift For:
✔ Astrology Lovers with a Dark Sense of Humor
✔ Jaded Exes & Self-Aware Zodiac Trash
✔ Skeptics Who Secretly Believe in Mercury Retrograde
✔ Millennials, Gen Z, and Cosmic Memelords
✔ Anyone who’s ever said “I’m toxic, but at least I’m self-aware”
⚠ Disclaimer:
This book is intended for entertainment and lighthearted self-exploration. It is not a substitute for therapy, life advice, or medical guidance. It may contain strong language and astrological roasts. Sensitive zodiac signs beware (especially Pisces).
Brutally honest. Relentlessly funny. Painfully accurate.
If you're tired of flowery horoscopes and want an astrology book that tells it like it is—with zero fluff and maximum roast—then The Dirtbag Astrologer by Alberto Toribio is your new cosmic obsession.
This no-holds-barred guide to the zodiac drags every sign with love (and trauma), breaking down Sun, Moon, and Rising signs, Houses, Transits, and why your ex really was the problem—all with savage wit and pitch-perfect observations.
🔹 What’s Inside?
✔ Brutal Zodiac Sign Breakdowns – From Cancer the Simp to Aggro Aries, no sign is safe
✔ Why Your Ex Was Trash (According to Astrology) – Let the stars explain their mess
✔ Moon & Rising Signs with Zero BS – Understand your emotional damage and chaotic mask
✔ Cosmic Chaos, Transits & Houses – Learn how the universe may (or may not) be ruining your life
✔ Use Astrology to Improve—or Destroy—Your Life – Knowledge is power, but you still have free will
📏 Book Details:
-
Format: Hardcover with Printed Laminated Cover
-
Size: 5 x 7 inches
-
Pages: 192
-
Tone: Savage humor, real astrology, and existential side-eye
🎁 Perfect Gift For:
✔ Astrology Lovers with a Dark Sense of Humor
✔ Jaded Exes & Self-Aware Zodiac Trash
✔ Skeptics Who Secretly Believe in Mercury Retrograde
✔ Millennials, Gen Z, and Cosmic Memelords
✔ Anyone who’s ever said “I’m toxic, but at least I’m self-aware”
⚠ Disclaimer:
This book is intended for entertainment and lighthearted self-exploration. It is not a substitute for therapy, life advice, or medical guidance. It may contain strong language and astrological roasts. Sensitive zodiac signs beware (especially Pisces).